


Vetting over Heels

by kindofspecificstore



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: F/M, Rachel McAdamsapple, RuPaul's Drag Race References, dustin milligan loves drag so why can't ted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:08:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24219427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kindofspecificstore/pseuds/kindofspecificstore
Summary: An origin story of Ted's relationship with drag. Basically, Alexis is putting on mascara and Ted wants to have a go at it.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer & Theodore "Ted" Mullens, Theodore "Ted" Mullens/Alexis Rose
Comments: 8
Kudos: 26





	Vetting over Heels

**Author's Note:**

> After seeing Dustin Milligan on Secret Celebrity Drag Race and seeing how much he adores the culture & the art form, I had to know what Ted's relationship to drag looks like. I'm hoping this will turn into a few more chapters, or a series of one-shots with some other Schitt's Creek characters in the mix. Patrick is mentioned briefly, and will hopefully turn up more in the future.

He tells her to hurry up because they’ll miss their reservations at that new restaurant in Elmdale. She’s in the bathroom, touching up her mascara.

Just another minute, she tells him. It takes work to build a statement look that is meant for more than just Cafe Tropical patrons. He stands by the door and leans up against the frame, gazing at Alexis’ reflection. She only ever looks this concentrated when she’s following along with his updates on the ladies at the retirement home. (Is Dot still the one who dances with the swiffer?)

He smiles. Even if they are running late, she’ll be the most beautiful girl in the room. Mascara or no. She catches him through the mirror, and smiles back.

“What, Ted? Are you surprised I didn’t wake up like this? You know I don’t have the budget for eyelash extensions, silly!”

He blushes, suddenly taken by his sock feet. She giggles, muttering something under her breath.

He looks back up.

“What’s that now?”

She stops what she’s doing, aqua eyes piecing right through him.

“I said you wouldn’t even need this stuff. Your eyelashes have stronger game than Darren Criss. I would know, I helped him prep for his Hedwig audition.”

A smirk flirts with the corners of her lips. He takes a second to absorb what she’s just said. Not about Darren Criss. It’s that no one has ever complimented his eyelashes before.

Curiosity becomes interest.

He treads cautiously, coming up behind her, reaching for the small black cylinder on the counter.

“So what would it look like if I-“

He’s cut off as she spins around. It’s enough to give an Alexis Rose novice whiplash. 

Her eyes are dancing. She has the smallest smile, and lets out a soft squeal.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

He throws his arms up in mock defeat. He guesses their reservations can be pushed. 

It only takes a moment to call the restaurant, all while Alexis spins him around, pressing him up against the bathroom counter and popping up on her tip toes. 

She reminds him to be still and look up. The last person she made over was Twyla, who happens to have very strong tear ducts. He obeys, sneaking glances of her perched over him, eyebrows furrowed. One hand holds the mascara wand, while the other splays across his jaw. How lucky is Ted Mullens? Very.

It’s an… odd. feeling. It’s a new hyper awareness of an otherwise ignored part of him. There’s chest & back day, there’s leg day, but there’s never…. Face day?

She gently twists the wand back into the tube of product, heels returning to the bathroom tile. She’s finished, and satisfied with her work.

“Who’s this beautiful stranger?”, booping him on the nose.

“I don’t know. I hope he doesn’t ma-scare-a you.” He grins. She giggles, spinning him back around.

Oh.

He looks… good. Leaning closer to the mirror, he blinks once. Twice. Rapidly. He feels… beautiful?

“Alexis, I-“

“If you don’t like it we can just wash it off. It took Darren like such a long time before he wanted to leave the house with it on.”

He spins around slowly, wrapping arms around her waist, shaking his head. No. He wants to show off Alexis’ talent. Or maybe he just wants to… show off?

“I’d like to to keep it on please”

Her eyes go wide, asking if he’s making some reference to a girl named Valentina. He tries to coax her out of the bathroom and in the general direction of the front door. She tells him how proud she is that he’s trying to get into pop culture. (He is very unaware as to what she’s just said. Another thing to add to his and Patrick’s list of things-their-partners-assume-they-know) 

They somehow manage to make their reservation on time. He is courteous to their server Ken, who doesn’t bat an eye when he looks up to ask a question about the menu. When Ken leaves with their order, he looks to the woman across from him, sharing a secretive smile. She speaks like the glow of late afternoon sun, warm and low.

“You know if you want me to paint your whole face, I think that’d be really fun for us.”

He nods his head glacially, taking in her offer. He stammers out a response, trying to mask enthusiasm for nonchalance. 

Her eyes dance. “And seeing as I watched like a bunch of Blue Planet episodes with you, I’d like to introduce you to Drag Race.”

A smile spreads. Something tells him this show has nothing to do with racing cars.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Go watch Dustin Milligan's clips from Drag Race if you haven't already- it's nothing short of endearing.


End file.
